daffa-SiLLY-o

my boyfriend looks over at me, suddenly shocked.

“What is it babe?”

“I said lesbians.”

euclase:

things we are trying to do all the time:

1. be safe

things we can’t help but do all the time:

1. second-guess ourselves
2. behave impulsively and reactively
3. take everything personally
4. worry
5. worry
6. worry
7. have difficulty accepting compliments
8. have difficulty reciprocating friendly gestures
9. have difficulty finding the courage to respond
10. have difficulty not being suspicious of others’ intentions
11. make a huge deal out of the smallest thing

things you should keep in mind:

1. we’re scared of everything
2. pretty much all of the time
3. it’s an actual disorder
4. it manifests as impulsive behavior
5. you can’t fix us with words
6. telling us “worrying is silly” won’t make us stop worrying
7. it’ll only make us feel silly
8. and then we’ll worry even more
9. “oh god, am i worrying too much? what if they call me silly again?”
10. like that
11. also, we wear a lot of armor
12. cold, heavy, affection-proof armor with spikes
13. we constructed this armor as children
14. we’re fairly certain you will never be able to pry it apart
15. but there is a nice person under there, we promise

things you can do for a friend with an anxiety disorder:

1. stick around
2. ask them if they’re comfortable in a place or situation
3. be willing to change the place or situation if not
4. activities that help them take their mind off of things are good!
5. talk to them even when they might not talk back
6. (they’re probably too afraid to say the wrong thing)
7. try not to take their reactions (or lack thereof) personally
8. (the way they expresses themself is distorted and bent because of their constant fear)
9. (and they knows this)
10. give them time to respond to you
11. they will obsess over how they are being interpreted
12. they will anticipate being judged
13. it took me four hours just to type this much
14. even though i sound casual
15. that’s because i have an anxiety disorder

things you shouldn’t do:

1. tell us not to worry
2. tell us we’ll be fine
3. mistake praise for comfort
4. ask us if we are “getting help”
5. force us to be social
6. force us to do things that trigger us
7. “face your fears” doesn’t always work
8. because—remember—scared of everything
9. in fact, it would be more accurate to say we are scared of the fear itself

emergency action procedure for panic attacks:

1. be calm
2. be patient
3. don’t be condescending
4. remind us that we’re not “crazy”
5. sit with us
6. ask us to tighten and relax our muscles one by one
7. remind us that we are breathing
8. engage us in a discussion (if we can talk, then we can breathe)
9. if we are having trouble breathing, try getting us to exhale slowly
10. or breathe through our nose
11. or have us put our hands on our stomach to feel each breath
12. ask us what needs to change in our environment in order for us to feel safe
13. help us change it
14. usually, just knowing that we have someone on our side willing to fight our scary monsters with us is enough to calm us down

if you have an anxiety disorder:

1. it’s okay.
2. even if you worry that it’s not okay.
3. it’s still okay. it’s okay to be scared. it’s okay to be scared of being scared.
4. you are not crazy. you are not a freak.
5. i know there’s a person under all that armor.
6. and i know you feel isolated because of it.
7. i won’t make you take it off.
8. but know that you are not alone.

♥

(via jollyeasyzebra)

lovelygnome:

Coercion is not consent.

(via jollyeasyzebra)

Sign in bathroom at Asian restaurant.

“BUT NOT THE GERMS!!!”

vuteresa:

The worst feeling ever. Being replaced by someone close to you by someone else. Feeling like you’re not wanted or needed by a person that means the world to you. Yeah, feels shit. What’s even worse? Knowing you can’t do anything about it because they’ve already found someone better.

I’m reblogging cuz its how I feel, not about any romantic interest or anything though.

(via jollyeasyzebra)

Ugh I’m so depressed. Hate myself, hate life. The worst thing is how it affects me- how I feel I can’t go to school. If it weren’t for that I’d probably be okay to sit in my misery all day until class. In the meantime I’m pathetic, missing class and all chances I have for happiness. Wish I could go back to being perfect………… Or if not that, than at least back to being me….

I don’t want to go down, I don’t want to go out

I don’t want to go anywhere with you.

I don’t want to make up, I don’t want to make out

I don’t want to make anything with you.

I don’t want to be the one when all is said and done,

I don’t want to mean anything to you.

I just want to have some fun, I just want to have someone

I wanted someone just like you.

But everything was old, and I had only you to hold

So now I’m clinging on to you.

I was at the edge, I let you in,

That was my fault, This is the end.

Now I’ll never know how wrong it all could go

Cuz I know I mean nothing more to you.

I don’t want to go down, I don’t want to go out

I don’t want to go anywhere with you.

I don’t want to make up, I don’t want to make out

I don’t want to make anything with you.

I don’t want to be the one when all is said and done,

I don’t want to mean anything to you.

Anything to you.

Oh god I want to mean everything to you.

You broke up with me the weekend of St. Patrick’s day. The next weekend I got a new boyfriend. Then came spring break.

Your best friend invited me camping- this is a kid I’ve known forever, always kinda crushed on, but haven’t talked to in a few years. He sits next to me on the bus and we talk and he invites me camping. His main selling point is that you might go. I try to blow him off, pretending I’ll call him and tell him what my mom says about it when I ask her…I didn’t even memorize his number. Later that night he calls and pushes some more. All I had done all day was go on the internet. Finally I figured “Hey, wtf else am I gonna do over spring break?” and asked my mom. Super surprised she even said yes.

I won’t lie, that trip was pretty cool, even after finding out you wouldn’t be coming while I was there. We hiked and ate campfire food and his family was nice enough. I don’t understand how they could have let us share a tent though.

We talked late into the night…about you of course. He offered up words that were bitter-sweet and that I didn’t ask for him to say. “He loves you, Tianna, he just doesn’t know how to accept it. I can see he does, he talks about you all the time.”  This is the part where I used to think I fell asleep, but I’ve come to realize I knocked out because of what was going on, not because I was tired.

He started kissing me. He started touching me. I kept coming in and out of consciousness and in the dream that kept me sane, it was you doing those things. I pretend that is why I let it happen- I thought it was you. But honestly I don’t think I could have stopped it; even then my anxiety was a pretty intimidating factor to go up against. Finally I was pressured into doing something I didn’t want to do, but it was the only thing I could manage to do- the only thing there was to keep him from doing things to me.

The second it was over I passed back out, deep and true and dreamless. Maybe that’s not right…maybe I was dreaming of us. Waking up in the morning, going out to his family, I was forced to roll with it. Even though I had a boyfriend. Even though everyone knew that. But everyone also knew we had done things in the night. So I rolled with it. I’m good at that. Whatever.

That’s all that was important. This fucking memory won’t get out of my head. Maybe my therapist is right, my sexual history impacts me more than I think. All I know is I can’t get it out of my head, I can’t get other things out of my head, and it makes me want to die. 

Disclaimer: This is the only place I feel I can let this out without it effecting my life negatively. I really don’t want shit on here. Yes I realize I’m posting personal stuff online and “hur hur welcome to the interwebz” but please, if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all. In fact, the “saying nothing” thing is probably the best way to go all around. I just needed to let it out. P.S.- This was years ago.

“On October 30, 2011, they announced they would tour the United States starting on March 3, 2012 and lasting until April 1, 2012.” -Mindless Self Indulgence Wiki

Is it weird that I feel like I witnessed an important part of history just because I was watching their webstream when they announced this??

rcizzle:

Pallet Town, bitch, Pallet Pallet Town bitch